Chapter 7: Along Came Queenie

Chapter 7: Along Came Queenie

Back in his dressing room, Jack was delighted with his recent discovery. He had thought of one wish that could make him happy for the rest of his days, or so he thought.

"Oh, great magical hat," he proclaimed, "I wish I had a bottle o' rum."

With a little "pop!", a bottle of rum appeared on a chair. Jack gave a hoot of joy and rushed over to it. In his haste, however, he dropped Dulcinea and stepped on her. Now, you may think, dear reader, that hats can never be angry because they have no emotions. In this case, you would be quite wrong. After being abused so, Dulcinea decided to stop granting any of Jack's wishes. The pirate was happily drinking his alchoholic beverage, however, and could not have known Dulcinea's thoughts.

Oh, but Wisher, you may be saying, hats have no brains! Hats have no hearts!

Once again, you would be wrong. For hats can love and long to be loved, just as people can. Dulcinea could not really recall a time when she had not been with Merlin. She looked out for him, always hiding his bald spot, and he looked out for her. Until recently. Dulcinea did not particularly blame Merlin for not waking up when Jack had stolen her, but really, she was beginning to wonder if he truly, truly loved her. She had wondered this before when Janessa the frog had come into Merlin's life, but Janessa had soon died and that problem was solved. Dulcinea felt bad for Merlin, of course, but she had always wanted to be the one and only in his life, and no slimy little frog was going to stand in her way.

Dulcinea looked up at Jack from her place on the floor. He picked her up after a moment and said,

"I wish I had two well-endowed wenches right here, right now."

Dulcinea refused to grant that wish, and Jack stared at the hat and raised an eyebrow.

"Two. Wenches. Now."

No wenches appeared, so Jack decided to set out and find some on his own. He left Dulcinea behind in the dark dressing room. The poor hat was left wondering when her Merlin would come to rescue her.
______________________________
Meanwhile, the Hatter was making his way to the Haunted Mansion. He was really very terrified of the place and he felt his knees trembling as he came to its gate. The Mansion seemed to glare down at him, daring him to enter. Hatter gulped and stepped through the gates. He came to the long porch of the Mansion and regarded the pale woman who stood there.

"Um... I'm looking for a hat," Hatter told her, "Someone stole it. Any chance you've seen someone with a pointy purple hat?"

The woman only raised her arm and pointed to the doorway of the Mansion. Hatter nodded, assuming that she meant she had seen the culprit. Little did Hatter know that she only spoke Gaelic and had no idea what he had said. He also didn't know she was a vampire, but that is another story that shall be told at another time.

So the Hatter walked into the cobwebby darkness, his heart hammering and his hands shaking. What adventures (or midadventures) with the Mansion's residents would be instore for him?
_________________________
Cruella and Eugenia walked past the Castle, glowering at everyone. Glowering was one of Eugenia's favorite passtimes, and Cruella was certain that she herself had already perfected the art. The two wicked ladies marched toward the Wishing Well to discuss where to find bratty little Alice.

"Oh, shut up, Snow White!" Cruella shouted when she heard Snow White's high voice fill the air.

"My Barby loves her voice," Eugenia said.

"Yeah, well, your Barby is a loser."

Eugenia opened her mouth to respond in anger, but was cut short when Cruella suddenly called, "Queenie, dahling!"

Eugenia turned to see the Queen of Hearts coming their way. She smirked. How perfect! If they couldn't find nasty little Alice, the Queen could certainly help them in their quest for the White Rabbit.

"Cruella!" the Queen replied, swinging her flamingo, "How perfectly horrid to see you!"

"You, too, you old crone!" Cruella replied, for it is the custom that when villains greet each other, they must insult one another as a sign of friendship.

"And you, you old bat!" the Queen said, turning to Eugenia, "How's your filthy pirate?"

"Oh, he's-" Eugenia began, but Cruella interrupted her, not wanting to hear about Barbossa.

"Listen, Queenie, dahling, we need to find someone," Cruella said, taking the Queen by her frighteningly buff arm, "He's short, and white, and-"

"You mean Donald Duck? Sorry, Cruella, but I frightened him off this morning by threatening to cook him for dinner."

"No, no, I meant the White Rabbit."

"Oh. Him. Well, I believe I saw him in Adventureland this morning."

"Adventureland?" Eugenia asked, surprised.

"Why, yes. I was taking an early morning ride on the Jungle Cruise and saw him skipping about in the jungle. Very odd, but there you have it."

Eugenia silently wondered what this was all about, but supposed that it was better not to ask. Instead, she said,

"Well, we're looking for him because Cruella thinks he would make a lovely addition to her collection of furs."

The Queen's eyes widened for a moment, but then she remembered that she was a villainess after all and delighted in wicked plans.

"Why, Cruella, what a clever plan!" she said, although something in her heart told her it was wrong to say so, "Of course I'll help! Come, let us look in Fantasyland first."

"But we just came from there," Eugenia said.

The Queen gave her a hideous glare that would have made a weaker woman faint.

"All ways are my ways," she hissed.

Eugenia nodded and the three of them, Cruella, Eugenia, and Queenie, walked back into Fantasyland, glaring at passersby as they went. Little did they know that what would come next would change the course of their lives as villainesses forever.


- Wisher