Chapter 5: In Which a Drinking Fountain is Interrogated

Meanwhile, the Hatter and Merlin were making their way to Small World. Merlin rather disliked being followed by the madman and was inwardly groaning every time the Hatter dashed over to an inanimate object to ask it questions. At the moment, Hatter was interrogating a tree.

"Don't you back-sass me! Where we you on the night of May eleventy-first? Don't play games with me, mister!"

Hatter glared at the tree for a moment, which stood in stubborn tree-like silence. Then he shrugged and hurried over to a nearby drinking fountain.

"Mr. Water-de-Fountain!" Hatter barked at it, "What were you doing the night my fine wizard friend's hat was hatnapped?"

He seemed to listen to the fountain, then narrowed his eyes.

"A likely story! Just sitting around and dripping! Well, I'll have you know I'm a trained detective, Water Boy, and-"

"Hatter," Merlin snapped, having had quite enough of the Hatter's current shenanigans, "We need to be on our way."

"Oh, yes, those rotten children. Little do they know I speak at least ten languages fluently! You want to know what they are?"

Merlin sighed. Hatter went on,

"Tea-ish, Sugar Cubese, Teabonics, Doileyish, Teapottery, Crumpetese..."

Merlin rolled his eyes as they walked onward toward the shrine to children that stood on the horizon: It's a Small World. Merlin recalled the last time he had been there... that was back when the boats didn't look like an add for Cool Whip. How long ago that had been. Those had been less trying times, but of course, he and his hat had been together then. He felt the mid-morning sun burn his bald spot and wanted to weep.

"Look!" Hatter shouted, interrupting Merlin's thoughts, "That rock looks awfully suspicious!"

"No, it doesn't," Merlin growled.

He grabbed Hatter's arm and they were finally able to bord a boat for the attraction (there were many odd Hatter moments, but they shall go unrecorded). As Merlin and Hatter rode into the somehow cheerful, multicultural darkness of Small World, Merlin wondered what would occur next and if any of it would lead to the recovery of his beloved hat, which he had always called Dulcinea. Sure, it was a rip-off from his old friend Don Quixote, but it seemed fitting.

"Oh, Dulcinea," Merlin thought to himself as that maddening song began to fill the air, "Where are you?"
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Meanwhile, Cruella was headed for the Alice darkride in order to meet up with Eugenia. In the five minutes that it had taken her to leave Main Street and head into Fantasyland, Cruella had made ten children cry and one old man cry. She considered the old man to be worth extra points. At last, she stomped up to the ediface of "Alice in Wonderland" and peered impatiently around for Eugenia.

"Late!" Cruella growled.

She supposed that Eugenia was unable to leave her darling, ugly old pirate boyfriend's side, but just as Cruella was about to scream with rage, Eugenia appeared around the corner.

"There you are, Eugenia, dahling!" Cruella said.

"Pardon my tardiness, Cruella, but I-"

"Yes, yes, whatever," Cruella snapped, totally uninterested, "Let's go find that White Rabbit."

And with that, the two linked arms and went down the Rabbit Hole... down, down, down...

- Wisher